Sex changelings: I think I’ll become a girl. I already know how to act like one.

Posted on June 5, 2015 by John Daniel Begg under Sex changelings:

Tommy Rowles, only recently retired, worked at the Carlyle’s Bemelman’s Bar for 54 years.

(Photo: Joel Meares)

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Begg~we’re at New York~we really must go out~

Oh~

We’re men of the world after all~

Oh~we’re men of the world alright~

Come~on~It’s Friday night~there’s girls~

Oh~

In every bar in town~there’s girls~

Humm~

Where do you want to go~

Well~if we must go to bar~there’s only one bar~

One? Your nutz~there’s 1000s of bars at New York~

Bemelman’s~

What the hell is Bemelman’s

Yes~

Get dressed then~

I am~

Begg~you look like you are going downtown to buy a bank~

Call Joseph~

Ringing~

I bet Joseph’s never heard of this Bemelman’s Bar~

You’ll lose~

Off we go~~we’re going to meet girls~

Humm~

You like girls don’t you, Johnnie~

Some of them~

Well~let’s find the right sort then~

Good idea~

So this is Bemelmans~~and Joseph knew just where~

It is~~he did~

Let’s get girls~

I want to look at the walls~

The walls~

Yes~~of course~~they are by old Ludwig Bemelman himself~

You’re an odd duck, Begg~truly~but we do see~~girls~

Great~

Begg~here are some girls~~ladies~meet John Begg~

Hello, John Begg~we’re charmed to meet you~

Oh, I’m sure~

What’s wrong~did the bond market collapse~

I wouldn’t know~

Don’t you like girls~

Some of them~

Which sort?

Yes~our sort~that is~ do you like us~

I like girls sometimes~if they are the right type~

Well~do you think I might be the the right type~

Perhaps~

Are you going to ask me for a drink~

Perhaps~

Well good ahead~

Alright~I’ll have Martel Cordon Bleu~warmish~

Ahh~~mia momma~~

You mean~that I am buying~

Of course~

Well don’t you beat all~~I don’t typically do this you know~buy boys drinks~

I didn’t~know~

You do know now~~you just beat all~~aren’t you embarrassed~

Why?

For breaking the rules~

Rules?

Boys are supposed to buy you know~

I see~

So~are you buying~

No~

Silly thing~you are handsome though~

I know~

Jesus~you are cocksure aren’t you~

Yes~

Martel Cordon Bleu~warmish you say~

Yes~

You could say please~

Please~

Well, I’ll just excuse myself and I’ll go get the drinks~

Good girl~

Here we are~

Yes~

Martel Cordon Bleu~warmish~

Yes~

You could at least say thanks~

Thanks~

I’m in arbitrage, you know~

I didn’t~

Well I am you know~

I see~

That makes me an arbitrageur~

Does it now~

Right here at New York~in the Street~

Wonderful~

What are you?

Yes~what is your line~

What’s my line? That was a TV show~~years ago~~

Yes~

I’m impecunious~

That sounds fascinating~

It’s not~

You’re joshing me~I’m sure it’s a kick~

Oh~it’s a kick alright~

I went to Vassar~

Oh?

Some years ago~

Oh yes~I’m sure~

Not that many though~~where did you go?

Go?

To college~

Catholic University~

So~you are Catholic~

I am indeed~

I am not myself~a Catholic~

I see~

Shall we drink a little toast~a loving cup?

Alright~

To whom shall we drink~

To baby George~

Baby George~

The little Prince~~he is our future King you know~

Oh, yes, him~he’s so cute~raise a glass to baby George~

Here’s how~

You’re not from here are you?

The Carlyle?

No~silly~New York~you sound foreign~

Foreign?

In a good way~

Foreign~in a good way~

Yes~~you know~~maybe English or something~

English~

You aren’t English?~you sound sort of English~you sound different anyway~

The English sound different~

Well~you know~snobbish~

Oh, yes~

So you are snobbish~aren’t you~

I am not~

Are you a Democrat~

Jesus God~NO~~

How terribly funny~you don’t like Democrats?

I’ve never slept with a Democrat~at least not knowingly~

But you may have unwittingly~

The thought is nauseating~

You are a funny thing~

Yes you~are we sleeping together~tonight I mean~

I don’t know yet~get another Cordon Bleu~

I know~warmish~you are used to getting your way aren’t you~

I am~just so~

Someone must have spoiled you dreadfully~~your wife or something~

I haven’t any wife~

Why aren’t you married, Johnnie~I’d think girls would jump~

Jump~

Yes~

You’ve never even considered it~

What~

Marriage?

Heaven’s NO~

Don’t get so hot~she wouldn’t have to be a Democrat~

Jesus God~NO~~God Jesus~who wept in the Garden~~

Just kidding~I saw a flash of anger, Johnnie~~I thought to run away~

Just run over to the bar and get my Cordon Bleu~

Yes, sir~I know~warmish~

Yes~

Here goes~to Baby George again~

No~to Her Majesty this time~

To the Queen!!

There’s how~

Did I tell you I went to Vassar College~it’s in the Girl’s Ivy League~

Is it now~

It is now~

Why aren’t you drinking beer~

Beer~

Yes~Beer~

A lady from Wall Street~well advanced in her career in arbitrage would never drink beer~

Oh?

Why did you ask me such a thing?

You said Vassar College~

Yes~~i went there~~I studied art history~

Oh?

What did you study~

I can’t think~it was moons ago and I was a restless youth~

Oh~what were you so restless about~

I really can’t remember~

I’ll bet is was girls~

That’s an idea~

So~ you were all restless about girls and forgot to go to school?

Something like that~

Still~~it’s a very peculiar question~

Which~

Why am I not drinking beer~

Oh?

Why did you say that~

I said that because your college was founded by a beer baron~

Vassar College~

The one and same~

I am a very intellectual girl you know~

I didn’t~

Couldn’t you tell~

I didn’t notice~

Well~now that you are thinking about it~do you think I am an intellectual girl~

I’ve no idea what that means~

It means~you know~smart~

Really~

Really~it does~so do you think I am~you know~smart~

How would I tell~

Well ask me a question~

Alright~

Go ahead~

OK~will you please go for another Cordon Bleu?

Already~my~you are thirsty~it’s a good thing I have an expense account so I can write you off~

It’s a terribly good thing~

To whom do we drink this time~

To you, dear~

Oh~you are getting romantic~your friends say you are a stuffed shirt~

Oh~

My girlfriends said you look like trouble with a capital T~

And what do you think~

I think they are right and I like it too~trouble with a capital T~~

Rude little thing~

You just wait to find out~

Oh~

Not all Ivy League girls are prissy you know~

I didn’t know~

So~where are we staying~I am a married girl you know~I hope you have a place~

I haven’t~

You are on a lad’s night out and have no place to go?

None whatever~

Where should you and I go~~here~

Carlyle~~nah~~

Where then~

St Regis for us, Mrs Begg~~5th Avenue Suite~

Home~~where the heart is~~St Regis, New York City~~Jake Astor’s personal hotel~~go through this entrance and you will come back out in love~~it is Cupid’s own guarantee~~~

It has to be 5th Avenue Suite?

It does ya know~

You called me dear and Mrs Begg~you must like me after all~

I’d like you a great deal more if you went for another Cordon Bleu~

Right away~~and shall I call St Regis~~I know a girl there~

I’ll bet you do~

Now don’t be rude~a girl needs a night out too, you know~

Oh?

For her health~

We’ll drink your health–and call your girl~

Yes, Sir~~why 5th Avenue Suite especially?

Well, it’s sunny and gold and yellow and bright~~New York can be very dark and gray outside, you know?

You know–you are right about that~~I’d never thought about it~

Well–think about it–make the call and get the drinks–and tell your girl to have a bottle of Cordon Bleu sent up~

Yes, Sir~~but what about your friends~~we seem to have melted away from everybody~

Hang my friends~

Silly~what about my girlfriends who are with them?

Hang your girlfriends who are with them~

You are a little beast~~a savage~~and here they said you were a stuffed shirt~

Did they?

Am I being set up?

Set up?

I mean was this a game~~your being all Anglican and everything~all the while being a beast~

I dunno~

The beast of the Carlyle~

You~~yes~~you~~the very Beast of Bemelmans~

Where is my drink, Mrs Begg~

Oh yes~~and I must call my girl at St Regis~~and say goodnight to my girls here too–don’t you want to say goodnight to your lads~~they may get lucky too~

Lucky~

Cad~selfish cad~

Get the drinks~I’ll call Joseph to come up front~

******

Next morning~early~she had a bubble bath and asked for quiet while she made “that call home”

I sat at her tub like a little mouse with my morning snifter of Cordon Bleu~

You sound awfully convincing~

Well~a girl gets practiced with time you don’t you know~

I do now~~

Silly~so you fancied me did you?

You were OK

OK?

Do you think I’m pretty?

You looks OK

I was fishing for a compliment~

Well~I’m not the sort who goes around giving dames compliments on their looks~

Isn’t that from a movie?

Isn’t what from a movie?

What you were just saying~

Ultimately, everything is from some movie or the other~~

HaHa~HA~

You need to get out of your tub and order breakfast and champagne~

What’s for breakfast~

Full English and some lobsters~

I knew you were English~

I am not English~

Touchy~touchy~~what sort of champagne, sir~

Good Lord, girlie~~Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin Champagne Brut Yellow Label~~of course~

OHHH~~vita la dulce~~

You know what you want don’t you~

I Sure do~

You drink like a banker~

I am not a banker~

Anyway~~you say you don’t compliment girls on their looks~~why not~

I never met a dame yet who didn’t know if she was good looking or not without my having to tell her about it~

Really?

Yeah, really~~and there’s plenty who give themselves lots of extra credit they ain’t got comin’ to them~

Are you sure about that~

Positive~

Do you think my backside has held up well over the years~

We haven’t known each other all that long, Mrs Begg~

I like that~being called…Mrs Begg~~but seriously~~guys always liked my bottom~~from way back when I was a young girl~

Did they~

Do you think they lied~

It’s very likely~

Well, yeah, I know, guys lie~~ but you know, a girl gets self-conscious sometimes~~and with the passage of time~~

You looks OK~

You don’t care I went to Vassar College?

I’d forgotten all about it~

Don’t you like educated girls?

Ahh–they ask too many questions~~

Maybe they are just trying to get to know you~~

Say~~did you ever get to know anything worthwhile about a man by asking him questions?

No~~I didn’t silly~~is that from a movie too?

Is what from a movie?

Your voice changed just then~

Oh~maybe~I don’t know~I spend a lot of time in pictures~I go in and out~~

Maybe that’s why I loved you at first sight!!~~I studied art history you know~~and you~~ you going in and out of pictures all the time~~that must be it~

Mustn’t it~

You’re toying with me~but you are in love with me~~A girl can tell~

You are mad as a hatter~~I’ll forget you by Noon~

You try to play tough guy but you are an old softy~

Yeah?

What do you want from me?

An English blue three piece suit from Paul Stuart and a square watch from Vacheron-Constantin~~and some money~~quite a lot of that~~ I’m afraid dear~you see~~I’m a bit short~~

Jesus~~You are no cheap date~

Joseph knows the stores–they are just close by~~

Oh~I know the stores, hunney~~I just didn’t know I was shopping to get myself a very expensive gigolo at Bemelmans~

The general idea of my suit~~

The precise idea of my watch~~

A little pocket money for the weekend~~we are at New York after all~~darling~

One lives and one learns~

Well~I have to say~this is one of the few things I’ve ever done with a man that will truly be a first~~to baby Prince George indeed!!

Ain’t love grand~

It sure is~I feel 16 again~but it also~besides being grand~sounds like it is going to be terribly expensive~

You’ve NO idea~

Oh~I’ve some inkling–vague inkling~but I’ve never done this before~~kept a man~~my girls won’t believe it~

Hang them~

And your mates~

Hang them higher still~

I am in love like a schoolgirl, you know~

You haven’t ordered my breakfast you know~~besides sex~`the one thing a girl must keep a man in regularly is full Englishman’s Breakfast and some lobster~~ and of course champagne to wash it all down~

Oh~they didn’t tell us girls that at Vassar~

Vassar was founded by~

Yes–I know~~a beer baron~do the girls all fall in love with you~~

Generally~

Do you go with all of them if they buy you hotel suites and drinks and suits and watches~

Not all of them~

Which of them~

The ones who can afford it, Mrs. Begg~~those girls~

You are simply the~~living end~

I’ll let you know when that is, my dear~

No end~~OK~~never~

You talk like a schoolgirl~

No end~~never, ever, darling~

As you like it~~now run along and get breakfast and champagne~we’ve shopping to do~~

If you were a girl~you know what you’d be called~

I do~

What~~say it~~

Normal~

You’re terrible~

Terribly right~~

Yes~~terribly right you are, Sir~~

Ladies~~your servant~~Mrs. Begg~~your slave~~

That’s another movie, isn’t it darling?

Of course, ’tis, angel~~

Do your call all the girls Mrs Begg, John?

Heavens, no~~only the very special ones~~

You mean the very rich ones~

What did I say~

You are~~terribly funny~~my English Johnnie boy~~

For awhile, lamb chop~for just awhile~you know what they say~

What do they say~

Money is the straw that stirs the drink of life~~and drinks only last just a little while~~

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BEMELMANS BARNYCunder themasterly paintedwalls of whichlove is found

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At Washington, capital city of the terminally self-absorbed, mortal man holds to fleeting, feeble and fallible opinion, God immutable fact.

- ~~
  
  It is my assessment that America is dying inside, being eaten away by the horror of the collapse of the middle orders, the attendant societal and religious values and customs of those orders and the ubiquity of war making for dubious purpose.
  
  ~~
  
  The rich man ought not be taxed at all~~he ought be compelled to employ and train the poor man~~directly~~personally.
  
  ~~
  
  The principal need in America today is~~financial and industrial De-Globalization~~to facilitate the promotion of the possibility for the average man to get and keep a good job with good benefits paid by the employer~~as was done not very long ago.~~
  
  ~~Bene Nati, Bene Vestiti, Et Mediocriter Docti~~
  
  ~
  
  ~~La crema y nata~~
  
  ~
  
  ~~Artista de la conquista
  
  ~~
  
  In sunshine and in shadow~~I hold tight to the Republican view of time and money~~I write night and day~~yet~~while impecunious~~I am vastly overpaid~~in that taking pay to do what I love is unfair~~to my employer~~in a fair system~~under such circumstances~~I should pay him~~not he me~~I am far, far too old a man to be sexually confused~~praise Jesus~~but I am yet young enough to be politically confused~~is anyone not~~in an absolute sense~~I am a Catholic Royalist~~in a practical sense~~I am a Classical Liberal~~a Gaullist~~a Bonapartist~~an American Nationalist Republican~~in either sense~~my head is soon for the chopping block~~to hasten my interlude with Madame La Guillotine~~I write without fear~and without favor of~any man.
  
  ~~
  
  Finis Origine Pendet…
  
  The escape commences…
  
  ~~
  
  September, 1957
  
  ~~
  
  Saint Jane Frances de Chantal Catholic parochial school, called, by anyone of any background, simply: “Chan~al,” a place where, of an autumn day in 1957, school, for me, began and ended in the first convening of the first grade in which a tiny nun, one Sister Dom Bosco, appeared before me, just behind the window appearing at far left of this photograph, and piped out this: “I may be small, but so then, is the Atom Bomb.”
  
  ~~
  
  My determination to escape school commenced immediately on hearing about this Atom Bomb business and took 16 dicey and arduous years to finally accomplish.~~
  
  ~~
  
  Non Sibi
  
  The escape continues…
  
  ~~
  
  September, 1966
  
  ~~
  
  The Cathedral Latin School
  
  ~~
  
  Finis Origine Pendet
  
  ~~
  
  Κύριε ἐλέησον
  
  ~~
  
  Rejoice and Glad!!
  
  ~~
  
  Amen~~
  
  ~The Original Angry Bird~~The Catholic University of America Screaming Red Cardinal Mascot~~
  
  ~~EX LIBRIS~~
  
  ~~
  
  THEOS EK MĒCHANĒS
  
  ~~
  
  Friday, 5 Juin, Anno Domini Nostri Iesu Christi, 2015
  
  Website: http://johndanielbegg.wordpress.com
  
  http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=122865699&trk=tab_pro
  
  http://www.facebook.com/JohnDanielBeggPublicAffairs http://www.tumblr.com/blog/theoldsoldiershome1952
  
  http://www.facebook.com/john.begg.33
  
  http://www.pinterest.com/johnbegg33/boards/
  
  http://independent.academia.edu/johnbegg/Papers?s=nav#add
  
  http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/jtdbegg
  
  Tweets: @jtdbegg
  
  http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=122865699&trk=hb_tab_pro_top
  
  “Jean-Marie Le Pen is a friend. He is dangerous for the political set because he’s the only one who’s sincere. He says out loud what many people think deep down, and what the politicians refrain from saying because they are either too demagogic or too chicken. Le Pen, with all his faults and qualities, is probably the only one who thinks about the interests of France before his own.”~~
  
  French actor~~Alain Delon
  
  CONCEPT OF THE CATHOLIC AND ROYAL ARMY OF AMERICA (CRAA)
  
  THE CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA
  
  Seal of The Catholic University of America
  
  Motto:
  
  ~~
  
  Deus Lux Mea Est
  
  ~~
  
  Acta Est Fabula
  
  The escape concludes…
  
  ~~
  
  The Catholic University Of America, Washington, District of Columbia.
  
  ~~
  
  1976, Anno Domini Nostri Iesu Christi.
  
  ~~
  
  Acta Est Fabula.
  ~~
  
  Deus Vult.
  
  ~~Our Ubiquitous Presence~~
  
  The Queen~~
  
  Our Queen now 63 years on~~
  
  Simply the best President we could ever hope to have~~