Girls in the altogether~

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 Holy Sister Don Basco~~clad appropriately for her vocation~~and it turns out likewise so to conform to the new Internet regulations~~released just this evening~~

~~

On the first day of first grade at Saint Jane Frances De Chantal Catholic grammar school, called by anyone of any social background~~CH~NAL~~Paul McKenna, Martin Kane, Patrick Kelley, Eugene O’Neil,Junior and I were seated in the front of our first class when there appeared before our eyes a midget nun~~clad head to feet in black, save for her face~that ringed in white~~the Spainish girls call these Holy nuns penguinos~~who declared, to our astonishment~~
 ~
 “I am Holy Sister Don Basco, I maybe small~~but so is the atom bomb.”
 ~
 That put an end to any and all interest in education for me~~forever.  All I could think was how to get out of that place as soon as I could~~forever~~
 ~
 On the way home from that first grade, all boys mentioned gathered around Paul McKenna~~already deemed by all of us as being what we came to know was called intelligent or something like that.~~
 ~~
 The others demanded to know “What is Holy Sister Don Basco and what is an atom bomb?”~~
 ~~
By Italian blood~~Mia Mommy a Milano~~I was already, at 5 years, set out to be a master criminal~~or so I thought.  Life always disappoints us.~~I went on to work in politics~~same dance~~different dance hall~~
 ~
At events, I pulled Paul McKenna aside from the others and said to him, very brusquely “Fuck that~~how long does it last?”
~
 “How long does what last–Don Basco–a full year, I’m afraid, Begg~~a full year~~
 ~~
 “Not the midget, McKenna~~the school~~how long does it last~~
 ~~
 “All of it?”~~
 ~~
 “Yes, all of it, goddamnit”~~
 ~~
 “We need a smoke,” McKenna told me~~
 ~~
 I’ll pause here to freely admit that I am recognized by nobody as the world’s leading authority on life in America in the 1950’s~~that would be our Mistress Karen~~The Boss~~of whom~~a bit more later~~but I was kicking around back then and I think my experiences were a tad different from those of the Boss~~
 ~~
 Paul McKenna and I headed to our little citadel in a dry creek bed in the wall of which there was a sort of cave~~far from the prying eyes of parents~~
 ~~
 We both fired up a Phillip Morris blunt end and sucked deeply on them~~
 ~~
 “Sixteen years~~if you’re very lucky”~~McKenna said ruefully~~
 ~~
 “Sixteen years?~~sixteen years?~~what did we do~~we’re only 5 years old”~~
 ~~
“If you’re very lucky”
 ~~
 “Very lucky?”~~
 ~~
 McKenna began leafing through a frayed copy of what in those days was called a “Girly magazine”~~and believe me, Gertrude~~it’s wasn’t what you’re thinking~~not in the least~~
 ~~
 The Italians are an impatient people, overbearing, harsh, direct and much desirous of solutions, not conversation~~I swatted the girly magazine away~~
 ~~
 “Yep–sixteen years~if you’re very lucky”~~
 ~~
 “How do we get out of this?”  Italians learn at the breast that “There is a way around everything, McKenna.”~~
 ~~
 “We don’t get out of this~study hard and apply yourself.”~~
~~
“Yeah?~and if I study hard and apply myself?’

 ~~

 “Oh, then you get to stay for 20 or more years”~~

 ~~
 “That’s a reward?~that’s a life sentence!!”~~
 ~~
 “It sure is.”
 ~~
 Years on, McKenna went up to Hav~ad and came home Summa, as~~
 ~~
 “There ain’t no Rs in Hav~ad, wee laddies~~
 ~~
 Years still on later, McKenna, sent out Summa from Hav-ad~~drives a carpet truck and installs carpets in Taos, New Mexico with a 17-year-old Mexican illegal~~so, sorry, Karen~~a Mexican “undocumented”~~we must say these things correctly, at least I’m hearing that all sides tonight~~
 ~~
 What I will say here is that McKenna’s illegal undocumented is a very pretty little thing but looking at bloodstock as I do with a well-trained eye, my fear is that those girls “will run to fat later, McKenna”~~
 ~~
 “Fat?  That’s OK~~I’ll just get another”~~
 ~~
 I’d always thought that it is surely myself and not McKenna, sent out from Hav~vad~~Summa~~who was responsible for the Navy attitude around here~~but of late, I am beginning to wonder on that~~
 ~~
 I wasn’t sent out Summa from anywhere and while I did do my 16 year bit~~it would be most disingenuous of me to say I attended any school~~for as soon as I could climb and pick locks~~I was out of every school I was supposed to be attending~~
 ~~
 I did graduate~~Not Summa~~Not Hav~ad~~and I still can’t sort out how that could be as I was never at school~~ever.~~I think I read that it’s called “grading on a curve.”
 ~~
But then you and I both know the sort of boy Hav~ad gins out these days~~
 ~~
 I’ve likewise held any number of silly little jobs~~and likewise run off from all of them~~lickedity~~spilt~~fast~~
 ~~
 Of late date, convalescent and in dotage, I’ve discovered writing and have a ball doing it but I’m informed tonight that I can neither write, be taken seriously or run for President as some have suggested as~~some say–and truly so~~if I ran I’d come a winner~as I haven’t any sort of hard act to follow there~~
 ~~
 All this, I think, is down to my having not “taken girls seriously”~~
 ~~
 I went to see Ellie Marie~~I always go to see Ellie Marie~although she doesn’t like it very much~~
 ~~
I said “Ellie Marie~~I’m astounded and~~I don’t astound”~~
 ~~
 “I’d never thought girls wanted to be taken as serious”~~
 ~~
 “I’d rather thought that girls wanted to be special.”~~
 ~~
 Ellie Marie takes great pains with me and subscribes to the maxim that “success in life is principally down to taking great pains with other people even if they are people~~perhaps especially if they are people~~you don’t much like”~~
 ~~
 Ellie Marie explained it all~~
 ~~
 “The principal trouble with you John Begg is that you know far, far too much about girls than any boy is ever supposed to know”~~
 ~~
 “Why is that such a problem~after all, I’ve studied them closely for many, many years~~I came back Summa~~I think~~in Girls”~~
  ~~
 “John Begg~you are the most clever writer and people get jealous of that but~~you’ve taken an annoying habit of taking pictures of girls in the altogether”~~
~~
 “In the what?”~~
 ~~
“In the altogether”~~
~~
 “You know, nudey pictures~you won’t be taken seriously by your audience if you persist in showing girls in the altogether.”~~
 ~~
 “Goddamnit Ellie, it’s a base lie~~I’ve never taken or sent out into the world  a single picture of girls in the altogether in my life~~it’s a base lie.”~~
~~

Girls are a scream–they use the expressions~~lingerie model, swimsuit model, soft core pornography and XXX hard-core pornography interchangeably~by which is meant there isn’t any difference between the one and the other one~~that is~~that they are all the same thing~~

~~

I on the other hand think that “if things are different~~well, they just cannot be the same”~~

 ~~
 “You simply can’t do it anymore, dear”~~
 ~~
 “Why not?”~~
 ~~
 “You’ve led a very sheltered and privileged life~~girls are now equal or something like that~~I mean if you’re going to have a go at the White House~~girls will take offense maybe”~~
 ~~
 “What?”~~
 ~~
“I’d make a great President”~~
 ~~
“That’d be different for sure~~How do you intend to do that?”
 ~~
“I’d do just 3 things as President~~
 ~~
Protect the people
Facilitate commerce 
And leave the people the hell alone~~
~~
 “That’s cute but you have to take girls seriously~~they insist upon that I’m afraid, dear–that is if you want to be taken seriously as a Presidential candidate.”
~~
 Taken seriously?~~do you know what is meant in my line when you hear that a Presidential candidate is “taken seriously.”~~
 ~~
 “No, what?”
 ~~
 “It means the Democrats know he’s a loser.”~~
 ~~
“So, you want to clown around as usual?”~~
 ~~
“A clown?~~I ask you~~What do we have in there now?”
 ~~
“Well, I know but girls are very touchy about this equality business these days~very touchy”~~
~~
 “Hang them all~~high~~I don’t give a toss for lesbian girls”~~
~~
“It’s not just lesbians anymore, John~~real girls think they’re equal to boys too~they passed a law about it, I think.”~~
~~
 “NO!!”~~
~~
Same thing for Negroes~~
~~
Leave OFF!!~~
~~~
Fags too~~and lesbians~~
~~ 
“Democrats~~they did all this~~I knew it~~I can smell them from here”~~
 ~~
 “Even some Republican girls want to be taken seriously and be equal or something like that~~to boys.”~~
 ~~
 “Balderdash, Ellie Marie, balderdash.”~~
~~
“Ellie Marie~~God’s children are not all equal~~that’s just the point~~Democrats cooked up that kettle of fish about everybody being equal~~they say that  everybody is equal~~only they’re not all equal~~don’t you remember your G&S~~”If everybody’s somebody~~than nobody’s anybody?”
 ~~
I stood up to have a think~~
 ~~
 “When people ask me where’d the time go~~I mean what have you done with yourself for 62 years, John Begg~~ I say to them~~
~~
 “I’VE BEEN THINKING“~~
 ~~
 “For 62 years?”~~
 ~~
 “Yes, Perhaps, longer.”
 ~~
Aristotle tells us the highest attainment of man is to spend his whole day~~THINKING~~
 ~~
 “Aristotle?”~~
 ~~
 “Yes, he was a teacher or something like that.  Rather well-known, I think.”~~
 ~~
 “I thought you’d detested school?”~~
 ~~
 “Oh, I DID~~Oh, yes, I DID.~~what the devil does school have to do with thinking or with Aristotle?”~~
 ~~
 Ellie Marie, as with most girls, has little time for intense concentration~~except for things she cares about~~which are very rarely the things I care about.  I could tell she was bored with our dialogue and I backed off except to say this~~~
 ~~
 I’d never noticed, not once, that girls wanted to be taken seriously~~I thought that girls wanted to be special~~or am I wrong about that?
 ~~
 All this story inspired~~can that be the right word~~yes, inspired~~ in a classical sense~~by a bit of silly badminton between myself and others respecting  my showing  girly slides of girls being in “the altogether, ” or as someone said~~”being childish by showing their succulent backsides”~~
 ~~
 I must say that I can’t think how Ellie Marie or any of the others in this dance have ever even heard the expression “In the altogether.”  It’s a very antique, and I think is, or at least, was~~a colloquial expression my stepmother and some of her girlfriends used to use~~but my step mother was A Goddamn GERMAN for Christ’s sake~~
 ~~
 Boy A Howdy, now!!~~
 ~~
Girls are so touchy about this that they pay me less than no mind when I say that these girls in my little article are shown looking~~not at their succulent bottoms but~~rather~~over their shoulders back into the past to the Golden Age of America~~the 1950s~~
 ~~
 We pick up the trail of these backsides here~~
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Mohammedan Girls dressed to conform to the new~~very strict dress code put down tonight for all Internet traffic~~
~~
The girls are looking back at a Golden past in America of the 1950’s that you have maybe forgotten, or never knew about, but that I never can forget. As an aside– Who the devil wants to be taken seriously–again–I am not a Democrat–I am a free white man who gets to smile and laugh and say just what I want just how I want to say it–many people want me to run because of my writing–most of which you haven’t looked at–and I thought it an OK idea for a lark–I’ve been encouraged to run all my life and now, in my dotage, I thought hey, now–who could not be a better act than the show now playing–but even little Ellie Marie is constantly line-editing my work with an eye to pleasing the thought police–so I suppose that the money lenders in the temple down here who shout aloud that we are allowed to consider Clinton or Rubio in 2016 and nobody else~~are likely correct as–everybody has bought into the double talk~~and you and Ellie Marie and Wendy and Danny-O will get to pretend that a race between dead 2 horses is a race worth going to see~~
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New Year~new you~~Syonara~cheescake factory~~
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Avant l’hiver~~2014~~

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